Happy Go Lucky!!!

After writing the previous melodramatic posts, I was repetitively asked by my friends to write something joyful, to write something light. The first thought which came in my mind after taking the mental note of their thoughts is, how I can write a happy / light post when there is no inner peace in my life. Its then I comprehended that how much negative I have become since last 1 year. It’s this negativity only which is drawing me away from my loved ones. I literally did not talk to my closest friends in initial days of my life in Kolkata just because I was encircled by this negativity of mine. I remember my college days when I used to chirp like a free bird. I faced the biggest thunder of my life till now, in my post-graduation days. It was as equivalent as a horrible nightmare but at that time also I was able to recover from the circumstances, then why not now? Its then I realized it was because of my friends only that I was able to recover and it is the only key thing which is now absent in my life.

No matter how much they annoy you, tease you, make fun of you but the fact remains the same, that they love you like no one else on the planet. And even if you literally hate some habits of your friends, at the end of the day you need them at least to fight with them, at least to get mad on them. Coming back to the topic of writing a light post, I decided to observe all of my activities which I follow in daily routine. I started from the very beginning when I open my eyes in the early morning.

When I open my eyes - -> Happy.

When the melodious chirping of birds enters into my ears - - > Happy.

When I exercise/ meditate - -> Happy

When I see my manner less, stupid and horrible roommate lying on her bed, sleeping (not to forget she is a bong) - -> Angry

When I have to leave for office (by standing in a long queue of auto, a process which feels like I am getting chopped in a mixer) - -> Very Angry.

Whole day in office - -> Can’t define it (it feels horrible)   

While chatting with my friends on Whatsapp - -> Very very Happy

While chatting on phone with my Maa and Pa - -> Very very Happy

While reading novels - -> Relaxed

While sleeping - -> Well I don’t remember most of my dreams so can’t comment on it  J

So basically, I feel happy only when I chat with my friends and family. Apart from that when I am alone in the morning doing my meditation. That’s it!!! I have no friends in city with whom I can roam so it’s me only, the whole day accompanying no one else but ME!! I tried to gel up with bongs too but it’s of no use. They are always on a bizarre rocket. I decided to leave them on their rocket itself and let them go to their alien planet… See how nice I am   :D

I did made friends here, my previous two roommates. One is my darling and second is my sweet heart. Both of them are younger than me. One left because she completed her Master’s and had to leave for her home town and Second left because her training period which was of three months got over, so she also left for her home.  Since then I am alone living with a stupid, maniac new roommate. By the grace of god she is also leaving next month, but that’s not my concern. My concern is who will be the next one???

I have seen people coming and leaving at this place of mine. I wonder when I will leave. I think we should leave it to God but I guess he is also sleeping…

So that’s the lightest thing I could write about in my present situation. Soon I am planning to write on something which is very much close to my heart. I hope it will be liked too. Ciao!!!

Karma Interrogation

Is it a matter of fact or just an illusion? Is it because of the feeling of loneliness or is it a reality? Is it my insecurity or am I really left behind? Why is it so that everybody around me is turning out to be selfish, or is it just my philosophy? Even if it is my philosophy, the fact remains the same that every soul on this earth is selfish at some point of time including me, that’s why they say “Survival for the fittest”. But what about the ones who didn’t survive? Why there is no mercy for them? Don’t they have an equal right to live their life as they want? So what if they were not able to fight back, are they really meant to face failure rather are they really supposed to die (like what happened in case of Jiah Khan)??  They say that God loves everyone equally, then why there is discrimination in this case?

To be very honest my faith in God is getting disillusioned now. The theory of Karma took birth long time ago. It is my favorite topic for discussions. According to one of my closest friend, it was just to establish some kind of terror in society so that people behave themselves. It’s been said that whatever you do, good or evil, it will return to you. And till date, I am just trying to figure out what evil have I done? What sin have I committed for which I am suffering here? I just wanted a simple, happy, peaceful and successful life. Is it so much to ask? Why there is no equality in terms of standards which are there in today’s so called modern society? Why the benchmark of success is set so high that it’s inaccessible for an average person? Why the people who didn’t do well in their studies are leading a more comfortable and easy life? Do I really deserve this?  Don’t I have a right to be there for my family? Don’t I have a right to support them financially? Is this my failure or just a phase of life? Am I getting impatient or is it the truth of my life? Isn’t the wait of 1 year justified for getting impatient?

Its two strange tangents which are around the circle of what you know it as Karma. One is how you want to lead your life and the second is what turn it really takes. You simply want happiness for you and your family. You do all the good things in your life keeping in mind that someday you’ll support your family emotionally as well as financially. Working towards this project of your life, facing all kind of thorns, betrayals, pigheaded obstacles, you discover one day, that whatever you have done is simply not enough to succeed. What will you do then?? Is this case is applicable for me only, or am I just part of this immortal league?

There are so many questions around and I am just trying to find out which one to answer first? It’s a never ending cycle of questions. Some are because of my own deeds and some because of the destiny. But do I really deserve this?? Will I be fortunate enough to come out of it soon?? Does my Karma really have a role to play towards my destiny??