Kabiraa… Maan ja…

Finally, after a long gap of three months, I got a chance to meet myself at my favourite destination... My own space... My Blog!!! 

A lot of things have changed in last three months. It was not less than a roller coaster ride since I landed in Bangalore. I still reminisce the day when I woke up in the morning at 6 am on 1^st September.  I rushed from my bed to the bathroom, to get ready to meet my parents, who were staying in the hotel and waiting for me to come over their place so that we can leave for the airport.  As soon as I got ready to leave my PG, I bid adieu to all of my friends and rushed to the hotel. My parents were already waiting for me in the taxi. We all left for airport then. I crossed the same traffic signal about which I am going to write in this blog. We then headed to the way of my previous organization which was on the way to airport. It was a strange feeling because I hated that place from core of my heart, but still something pinched me…  the thought that I am never coming here again smashed me. It was a mixed feeling. We then reached to the airport after 20 minutes of road journey. Since it was Sunday morning, we got lucky not to have traffic on road. My flight was at 9.45am. When we reached to the airport… I looked at my parents; another thought smashed me that I do not know when I will get lucky enough to see them again. I saw my Dad getting sad that I am going so far from him… I saw my Mom almost crying that she have to leave from the gate of the airport as they were not allowed to go inside the gate. I assured them that I will be fine and forced them to leave first so that they don’t see me leaving and feel bad. When they left I saw them going all the way to the taxi and I assured myself by the thought that I have to do something for them that is why I have to go away from them.

I then started moving to the counter to get my boarding pass and waited for the check-in process to get over. I boarded my flight and after the journey of two hours, there I was… Bangalore!! A place I never thought in my weirdest dream that I will ever go to. I was so glad that when I landed here, my batch mates, my friends, my sweethearts, were already there. I met them in the evening and we enjoyed a lot. I forgot all the pain by which I was going through in Kolkata. I was constantly thinking that the time I am spending with these people was worth having that pain. It was because of that one horrible year, that I was able to appreciate their presence in my life. A lot of things have changed since then. My two of the friends are gone from this city, but still it’s much better than Kolkata.

Coming back to that traffic signal which I was talking about… Every day when I used to go to my office, I used to walk on that footpath which was right next to the traffic light. There was this road side food stall, where few middle aged ladies used to prepare food for office people, autowalas, truckwalas and whom so ever interested in their food. I don’t know exactly how many kids they have in their family but I used to see five kids on daily basis. One of them was so cute that I always had this feeling of adopting him. It was a boy. A cute looking, around two feet, round faced, bald boy, who just learned how to run. It was such a pleasure to watch him dangling on the footpath. Those were few of the seconds of my day, when I really used to smile from my heart. I never happen to see any men of their family. There were two ladies and five kids as I said; there was no shelter for them. They used to sleep there itself on footpath under a tent. A constant thought which was always there in mind during my stay in Kolkata was how happy these people are. At least they looked like one happy family. I very well understand the fact that it’s not easy to survive on a footpath with five kids around. But still they were living there happily and I … I was working in a MNC, I was earning, not much though, but I had the liberty to buy anything which I wanted, and still I was not happy. I really don’t get the fact that how these people find happiness in small small things and we don’t, given the fact that we can buy whatever the hell we want.

Apparently similar kind of experience happened here in my new company where I am currently working. There was this ‘Happy giving week’ few days back in my office during which they placed a handmade tree of thermocol at the reception -- > ‘The Wishing Tree’. The speciality of this wishing tree was that, it was filled with around fifty apple shaped paper cutting placed on itself at the place of fruits and leaves. Each paper cutting had a wish written on it. The wish was of the children who were there in an orphanage. There was a union done from our company’s side with this NGO which was working for this orphanage. This NGO gave us the list of wishes which these children wanted and our HR team beautifully planted those wishes on these apple fruit shaped paper cutting on the tree. We were supposed to pluck one paper cutting and fulfil the wish which was written on it. I plucked an apple cutting and the wish was ‘A Football’.

It was such a strange feeling that a mere thing which has no importance in our life is a wish for someone out there. I was so moved by this thought that someone whom I have never seen, never met and probably will never meet, will play with the football which I am donating. I felt so blessed that God made me capable of fulfilling someone else’s wish. We all are so indulged in our day to day issues that we forget that there is someone out there who is living happily even on the footpath, because they have mind peace. They are happy and content in whatever they have. They don’t demand anything like we do. They don’t look at life the way we do. They are happy staying near to their family even if it is without the shelter. I do feel bad for the kids who are there in the orphanage, but they have also accepted the fact that they have to live their life happily, even if it is without their parents, then why are we so reluctant to the fact that we can also live happily. Why we do not accept the fact that whatever we have is enough to stay happy. Why are we so demanding? Why the pressure of this society is so substantial? It’s true that we have to do something in order to make our live comfortable and successful so that at the end we can stay happily with our loved one, but it’s indeed a very sad fact that we are losing ourselves in order to make our live successful!

So, this song Kabira maan jaa, as per me undoubtedly verves my thoughts…

Ban liya apna paigambar, Tar liya tu saat samandar
Phir bhi sookha mann ke andar, Kyun reh gaya….
Re Kabira maan jaa, Re Faqeera maan jaa
Aaja tujhko pukaare teri parchhaaiyan…
Re Kabira maan ja, Re Faqeera maan ja
Kaisa tu hai nirmohi kaisa harjaaiya…

Tooti chaarpaai wohi, Thandi purvaai rasta dekhe
Doodhon ki malaai wohi, Mitti ki suraahi rasta dekhe…
Kaisi teri khudgarzi, Lab namak rame na misri
Kaisi teri khudgarzi, Tujhe preet purani bisri…
Mast Maula, mast Kalander, Tu hawa ka ek bavandar
Bujh ke yun andar hi andar, Kyun reh gaya…
Re Kabira maan jaa, Re Faqeera maan jaa
Aaja tujhko pukaare teri parchhaaiyan….
Re Kabira maan ja, Re Faqeera maan ja
Kaisa tu hai nirmohi kaisa harjaaiya...

Happy Go Lucky!!!

After writing the previous melodramatic posts, I was repetitively asked by my friends to write something joyful, to write something light. The first thought which came in my mind after taking the mental note of their thoughts is, how I can write a happy / light post when there is no inner peace in my life. Its then I comprehended that how much negative I have become since last 1 year. It’s this negativity only which is drawing me away from my loved ones. I literally did not talk to my closest friends in initial days of my life in Kolkata just because I was encircled by this negativity of mine. I remember my college days when I used to chirp like a free bird. I faced the biggest thunder of my life till now, in my post-graduation days. It was as equivalent as a horrible nightmare but at that time also I was able to recover from the circumstances, then why not now? Its then I realized it was because of my friends only that I was able to recover and it is the only key thing which is now absent in my life.

No matter how much they annoy you, tease you, make fun of you but the fact remains the same, that they love you like no one else on the planet. And even if you literally hate some habits of your friends, at the end of the day you need them at least to fight with them, at least to get mad on them. Coming back to the topic of writing a light post, I decided to observe all of my activities which I follow in daily routine. I started from the very beginning when I open my eyes in the early morning.

When I open my eyes - -> Happy.

When the melodious chirping of birds enters into my ears - - > Happy.

When I exercise/ meditate - -> Happy

When I see my manner less, stupid and horrible roommate lying on her bed, sleeping (not to forget she is a bong) - -> Angry

When I have to leave for office (by standing in a long queue of auto, a process which feels like I am getting chopped in a mixer) - -> Very Angry.

Whole day in office - -> Can’t define it (it feels horrible)   

While chatting with my friends on Whatsapp - -> Very very Happy

While chatting on phone with my Maa and Pa - -> Very very Happy

While reading novels - -> Relaxed

While sleeping - -> Well I don’t remember most of my dreams so can’t comment on it  J

So basically, I feel happy only when I chat with my friends and family. Apart from that when I am alone in the morning doing my meditation. That’s it!!! I have no friends in city with whom I can roam so it’s me only, the whole day accompanying no one else but ME!! I tried to gel up with bongs too but it’s of no use. They are always on a bizarre rocket. I decided to leave them on their rocket itself and let them go to their alien planet… See how nice I am   :D

I did made friends here, my previous two roommates. One is my darling and second is my sweet heart. Both of them are younger than me. One left because she completed her Master’s and had to leave for her home town and Second left because her training period which was of three months got over, so she also left for her home.  Since then I am alone living with a stupid, maniac new roommate. By the grace of god she is also leaving next month, but that’s not my concern. My concern is who will be the next one???

I have seen people coming and leaving at this place of mine. I wonder when I will leave. I think we should leave it to God but I guess he is also sleeping…

So that’s the lightest thing I could write about in my present situation. Soon I am planning to write on something which is very much close to my heart. I hope it will be liked too. Ciao!!!

Karma Interrogation

Is it a matter of fact or just an illusion? Is it because of the feeling of loneliness or is it a reality? Is it my insecurity or am I really left behind? Why is it so that everybody around me is turning out to be selfish, or is it just my philosophy? Even if it is my philosophy, the fact remains the same that every soul on this earth is selfish at some point of time including me, that’s why they say “Survival for the fittest”. But what about the ones who didn’t survive? Why there is no mercy for them? Don’t they have an equal right to live their life as they want? So what if they were not able to fight back, are they really meant to face failure rather are they really supposed to die (like what happened in case of Jiah Khan)??  They say that God loves everyone equally, then why there is discrimination in this case?

To be very honest my faith in God is getting disillusioned now. The theory of Karma took birth long time ago. It is my favorite topic for discussions. According to one of my closest friend, it was just to establish some kind of terror in society so that people behave themselves. It’s been said that whatever you do, good or evil, it will return to you. And till date, I am just trying to figure out what evil have I done? What sin have I committed for which I am suffering here? I just wanted a simple, happy, peaceful and successful life. Is it so much to ask? Why there is no equality in terms of standards which are there in today’s so called modern society? Why the benchmark of success is set so high that it’s inaccessible for an average person? Why the people who didn’t do well in their studies are leading a more comfortable and easy life? Do I really deserve this?  Don’t I have a right to be there for my family? Don’t I have a right to support them financially? Is this my failure or just a phase of life? Am I getting impatient or is it the truth of my life? Isn’t the wait of 1 year justified for getting impatient?

Its two strange tangents which are around the circle of what you know it as Karma. One is how you want to lead your life and the second is what turn it really takes. You simply want happiness for you and your family. You do all the good things in your life keeping in mind that someday you’ll support your family emotionally as well as financially. Working towards this project of your life, facing all kind of thorns, betrayals, pigheaded obstacles, you discover one day, that whatever you have done is simply not enough to succeed. What will you do then?? Is this case is applicable for me only, or am I just part of this immortal league?

There are so many questions around and I am just trying to find out which one to answer first? It’s a never ending cycle of questions. Some are because of my own deeds and some because of the destiny. But do I really deserve this?? Will I be fortunate enough to come out of it soon?? Does my Karma really have a role to play towards my destiny??

 

Fear O Fear...

I just read an article which accomplishes that people who get angry more often, are very much prone to their fears. Such a strange thing it is. It conveys that it’s a human psychology, that if you have a fear of something and you see that thing almost happening in front you then you lose your temper. Like if you want something to happen in a particular fashion and it doesn’t work the way you thought, you get irritated, which results in your anger. It does happen with me all the time.

Fear, Anger, Impatience, Anxiety all are part of a human’s lifecycle. Everyone is dealing with their own fears. Fear of being left alone, fear of losing someone, fear of not being loved by someone you love, fear of not being liked among a group of people, fear of rejection and many more. This fear is root cause of so many things in our life. Your entire life revolves around it.  Fear does affect my anger up to a certain level.  I had a discussion regarding this with one of my friend. I was not a morning person since my childhood. I used to get so much mad on my friends and family for waking me up in the morning. But after I had a discussion with my friend on this topic that I get irritated when someone wakes me up, he simply said that you have some kind of fear or tension that’s why it happens with you. I first refused to accept this. But later on, when I gave it a thought, it was true. I was dealing with lot of fears…  The moment I stopped doing that I became a morning person since that day itself.

So basically it was because of my own fears. I do have some fears now also, but I have learnt to deal with them. It does have a certain kind of effect on your mind when you take a mental note of things from your peers which your mind already knows. I do get restless sometimes but as they say, few things are not in your hands and it’s good to let it go. If something is meant to happen, it will… Someday… Somewhere… You never know!!! 

Amen!!!

Weird Place… Weird People!!!

It’s been a year in Kolkata and I am not able to get it that why people call it as a City of Joy. Trust me, there is no such thing called as JOY in Kolkata!!! Every moving thing is a threat here. I heard it in earlier days of my graduation that Kolkata is a place where people are so helping and so cooperative. It’s all bullshit because they are not. They first treat you as you are the only person in their life whom they can depend on and then, the moment they see that you are in trouble, they will be the first one to ditch you in front of everyone. So, if anyone of you have a friend from Kolkata, please please please analyze your friendship again and do test it.

There are so many weird things which I have noticed here. One of them is, in our cities if we get late for going anywhere; we take an auto to reach fast at that place. But here, as I mentioned every single thing works upside down. We are supposed to stand in a queue for at least 10 to 15 min before we can get an auto and don’t you dare to underestimate the queue. The number of people who are the integral part of queue is around 30 to 40. So basically, if you are getting late then also you have to say adios to around 6 to 8 autos first, and then your chance of boarding the auto will come.  And this is really painful and irritating.

Second thing which I have noticed here is, no matter you are the richest person in the city or a rickshaw wala, the attitude counts man!!! Let me tell you the anatomy of this. The richest person will not talk to you nicely because of the attitude of being rich. The rickshaw wala will not talk to you nicely because of the attitude of owning the god damn stupid rickshaw. The richest person will not listen to you because he thinks that his logics are right (which are senseless in actual). The people here, especially the ladies (didi’s), will not listen to you at all once they start blabbering about anything.  And if you don’t have insurance for your ears, you will not dare to start a LOGICAL conversation with them. And same goes for rickshaw wala’s too. Even if you are ready to pay 500 rupees for a 10 rupee distance, they will not leave their place, simply because they don't want to. Attitude boss!!!

So as I mentioned, Weird place...Weird people and even if we go with the phrase Jaisa desh waisa vesh, then also you cannot survive and compete with them because they are master of their stupidity and idiocy.

God save the people on this earth from this place and these people… I wonder what will happen to me if my stay here stretches for long. I think I have already lost half of my intellect and mind here dealing with this stupid mankind. So for now please pray for my safety here and do take care of yourself too. Stay blessed you lovely folks!!! :)

Change request of life!!!

I remember that my Mom used to tell me that how I cried for going to school in early days of my childhood. I was only of 2yrs when I used to be bullheaded for getting an admission in a school so that I can go with those so called big kids whom I used to play with. My Mom has told me many times that I used to sit on the stairs of my house and watch the kids going out for the school on the rickshaws. I used to cry, cry and cry for going to school.  With this stubbornness of mine and with lovable concern of my Parents I got admission in the school named as Little flowers public school, which was nearby to my home only.

On the other hand, my brother is 180 degree opposite to me in this area. He never demanded for admission in school, in fact he got admission at the age of 4. If it was pencils for me then it was hot wheel cars for him. If it was Pencil box, notebooks, school bags for me then it was remote handling cars, airplane toys and not to forget the long train of 4 bogeys which runs on a round track, for him!!! So this was my childhood which I nurture and guard in my memory box safely and the key is thrown in a river... Of course I do open my memory box... I have a passcode for it!!! ;)

But as they say, days do change. Every now and then my life got jumbled up badly. There were so many ups and downs. I sometimes ponder that how did I manage to survive them?? The lovely childhood got vanished and there were real scenarios and cruel lessons of life which everyone had to learn. The stupid issues and bully fights of schools and college, the anxiety, the hopes, the jealousy, the hatred, and the most important one, the Love, which I am assuming every girl in fact up to some extent boys too faces, need to be dealt. And as a result of not having experience in these fields, every one deals with the situation in their own custom which somehow gets effected by the one’s surrounding, upbringing and the support which life gives to that individual.

I don’t think I was lucky enough to get any of the support functions in my life. There was no one to escort me through all the bad phases of my life. Things which I have learnt came to me as my personal encounter with the awful, nasty and horrible situations which I have faced. I may sound depressed at this point of time because I am… It started 3 years back, when things started to jolt my life without my consent. I had to go with the flow; there was nothing I was able to do about those things. I once thought that everything will fall in place automatically after a period of time, but there is no show from luck till now.

I hate this place Kolkata, where I live nowadays since last one year. I tried to adjust a lot here but then again, the moment I feel that everything is ok and I will be able to sail, turbulence gets ready to shake my life again and brings a Tsunami in my life. I am tired of my life and the demand of change which is there in my life now and then. I have spoken about it with many people; they all say it will pass. They all lie because it haven’t passed till date.

Because of the constant pressure of society and your own responsibilities towards your Parents, there are so many change requests in your life. You go to school, you complete your graduation, then post-graduation and after that the ultimate goal of life, the job!!! In the middle of all this, you lose yourself.  At least I am lost and I have tried a hundred times to find myself but no luck. The more I try to find myself the more I get lost!!!

I have lost all the hopes of a better life ahead, but again there is little tiny winy Sunshine which is waiting there at the other side. And with this, I remember a line which I used to say with one of my lost friend… If life throws lemons to you, throw them back and ask for Edward Cullen!!! ;)

Thank you for reading my first post in case you have read it till last ;)

Bbiii & do take care of yourself till your next change request of LIFE!!!  :)