Fear O Fear...

I just read an article which accomplishes that people who get angry more often, are very much prone to their fears. Such a strange thing it is. It conveys that it’s a human psychology, that if you have a fear of something and you see that thing almost happening in front you then you lose your temper. Like if you want something to happen in a particular fashion and it doesn’t work the way you thought, you get irritated, which results in your anger. It does happen with me all the time.

Fear, Anger, Impatience, Anxiety all are part of a human’s lifecycle. Everyone is dealing with their own fears. Fear of being left alone, fear of losing someone, fear of not being loved by someone you love, fear of not being liked among a group of people, fear of rejection and many more. This fear is root cause of so many things in our life. Your entire life revolves around it.  Fear does affect my anger up to a certain level.  I had a discussion regarding this with one of my friend. I was not a morning person since my childhood. I used to get so much mad on my friends and family for waking me up in the morning. But after I had a discussion with my friend on this topic that I get irritated when someone wakes me up, he simply said that you have some kind of fear or tension that’s why it happens with you. I first refused to accept this. But later on, when I gave it a thought, it was true. I was dealing with lot of fears…  The moment I stopped doing that I became a morning person since that day itself.

So basically it was because of my own fears. I do have some fears now also, but I have learnt to deal with them. It does have a certain kind of effect on your mind when you take a mental note of things from your peers which your mind already knows. I do get restless sometimes but as they say, few things are not in your hands and it’s good to let it go. If something is meant to happen, it will… Someday… Somewhere… You never know!!! 

Amen!!!

Weird Place… Weird People!!!

It’s been a year in Kolkata and I am not able to get it that why people call it as a City of Joy. Trust me, there is no such thing called as JOY in Kolkata!!! Every moving thing is a threat here. I heard it in earlier days of my graduation that Kolkata is a place where people are so helping and so cooperative. It’s all bullshit because they are not. They first treat you as you are the only person in their life whom they can depend on and then, the moment they see that you are in trouble, they will be the first one to ditch you in front of everyone. So, if anyone of you have a friend from Kolkata, please please please analyze your friendship again and do test it.

There are so many weird things which I have noticed here. One of them is, in our cities if we get late for going anywhere; we take an auto to reach fast at that place. But here, as I mentioned every single thing works upside down. We are supposed to stand in a queue for at least 10 to 15 min before we can get an auto and don’t you dare to underestimate the queue. The number of people who are the integral part of queue is around 30 to 40. So basically, if you are getting late then also you have to say adios to around 6 to 8 autos first, and then your chance of boarding the auto will come.  And this is really painful and irritating.

Second thing which I have noticed here is, no matter you are the richest person in the city or a rickshaw wala, the attitude counts man!!! Let me tell you the anatomy of this. The richest person will not talk to you nicely because of the attitude of being rich. The rickshaw wala will not talk to you nicely because of the attitude of owning the god damn stupid rickshaw. The richest person will not listen to you because he thinks that his logics are right (which are senseless in actual). The people here, especially the ladies (didi’s), will not listen to you at all once they start blabbering about anything.  And if you don’t have insurance for your ears, you will not dare to start a LOGICAL conversation with them. And same goes for rickshaw wala’s too. Even if you are ready to pay 500 rupees for a 10 rupee distance, they will not leave their place, simply because they don't want to. Attitude boss!!!

So as I mentioned, Weird place...Weird people and even if we go with the phrase Jaisa desh waisa vesh, then also you cannot survive and compete with them because they are master of their stupidity and idiocy.

God save the people on this earth from this place and these people… I wonder what will happen to me if my stay here stretches for long. I think I have already lost half of my intellect and mind here dealing with this stupid mankind. So for now please pray for my safety here and do take care of yourself too. Stay blessed you lovely folks!!! :)

Change request of life!!!

I remember that my Mom used to tell me that how I cried for going to school in early days of my childhood. I was only of 2yrs when I used to be bullheaded for getting an admission in a school so that I can go with those so called big kids whom I used to play with. My Mom has told me many times that I used to sit on the stairs of my house and watch the kids going out for the school on the rickshaws. I used to cry, cry and cry for going to school.  With this stubbornness of mine and with lovable concern of my Parents I got admission in the school named as Little flowers public school, which was nearby to my home only.

On the other hand, my brother is 180 degree opposite to me in this area. He never demanded for admission in school, in fact he got admission at the age of 4. If it was pencils for me then it was hot wheel cars for him. If it was Pencil box, notebooks, school bags for me then it was remote handling cars, airplane toys and not to forget the long train of 4 bogeys which runs on a round track, for him!!! So this was my childhood which I nurture and guard in my memory box safely and the key is thrown in a river... Of course I do open my memory box... I have a passcode for it!!! ;)

But as they say, days do change. Every now and then my life got jumbled up badly. There were so many ups and downs. I sometimes ponder that how did I manage to survive them?? The lovely childhood got vanished and there were real scenarios and cruel lessons of life which everyone had to learn. The stupid issues and bully fights of schools and college, the anxiety, the hopes, the jealousy, the hatred, and the most important one, the Love, which I am assuming every girl in fact up to some extent boys too faces, need to be dealt. And as a result of not having experience in these fields, every one deals with the situation in their own custom which somehow gets effected by the one’s surrounding, upbringing and the support which life gives to that individual.

I don’t think I was lucky enough to get any of the support functions in my life. There was no one to escort me through all the bad phases of my life. Things which I have learnt came to me as my personal encounter with the awful, nasty and horrible situations which I have faced. I may sound depressed at this point of time because I am… It started 3 years back, when things started to jolt my life without my consent. I had to go with the flow; there was nothing I was able to do about those things. I once thought that everything will fall in place automatically after a period of time, but there is no show from luck till now.

I hate this place Kolkata, where I live nowadays since last one year. I tried to adjust a lot here but then again, the moment I feel that everything is ok and I will be able to sail, turbulence gets ready to shake my life again and brings a Tsunami in my life. I am tired of my life and the demand of change which is there in my life now and then. I have spoken about it with many people; they all say it will pass. They all lie because it haven’t passed till date.

Because of the constant pressure of society and your own responsibilities towards your Parents, there are so many change requests in your life. You go to school, you complete your graduation, then post-graduation and after that the ultimate goal of life, the job!!! In the middle of all this, you lose yourself.  At least I am lost and I have tried a hundred times to find myself but no luck. The more I try to find myself the more I get lost!!!

I have lost all the hopes of a better life ahead, but again there is little tiny winy Sunshine which is waiting there at the other side. And with this, I remember a line which I used to say with one of my lost friend… If life throws lemons to you, throw them back and ask for Edward Cullen!!! ;)

Thank you for reading my first post in case you have read it till last ;)

Bbiii & do take care of yourself till your next change request of LIFE!!!  :)