Change request of life!!!

I remember that my Mom used to tell me that how I cried for going to school in early days of my childhood. I was only of 2yrs when I used to be bullheaded for getting an admission in a school so that I can go with those so called big kids whom I used to play with. My Mom has told me many times that I used to sit on the stairs of my house and watch the kids going out for the school on the rickshaws. I used to cry, cry and cry for going to school.  With this stubbornness of mine and with lovable concern of my Parents I got admission in the school named as Little flowers public school, which was nearby to my home only.

On the other hand, my brother is 180 degree opposite to me in this area. He never demanded for admission in school, in fact he got admission at the age of 4. If it was pencils for me then it was hot wheel cars for him. If it was Pencil box, notebooks, school bags for me then it was remote handling cars, airplane toys and not to forget the long train of 4 bogeys which runs on a round track, for him!!! So this was my childhood which I nurture and guard in my memory box safely and the key is thrown in a river... Of course I do open my memory box... I have a passcode for it!!! ;)

But as they say, days do change. Every now and then my life got jumbled up badly. There were so many ups and downs. I sometimes ponder that how did I manage to survive them?? The lovely childhood got vanished and there were real scenarios and cruel lessons of life which everyone had to learn. The stupid issues and bully fights of schools and college, the anxiety, the hopes, the jealousy, the hatred, and the most important one, the Love, which I am assuming every girl in fact up to some extent boys too faces, need to be dealt. And as a result of not having experience in these fields, every one deals with the situation in their own custom which somehow gets effected by the one’s surrounding, upbringing and the support which life gives to that individual.

I don’t think I was lucky enough to get any of the support functions in my life. There was no one to escort me through all the bad phases of my life. Things which I have learnt came to me as my personal encounter with the awful, nasty and horrible situations which I have faced. I may sound depressed at this point of time because I am… It started 3 years back, when things started to jolt my life without my consent. I had to go with the flow; there was nothing I was able to do about those things. I once thought that everything will fall in place automatically after a period of time, but there is no show from luck till now.

I hate this place Kolkata, where I live nowadays since last one year. I tried to adjust a lot here but then again, the moment I feel that everything is ok and I will be able to sail, turbulence gets ready to shake my life again and brings a Tsunami in my life. I am tired of my life and the demand of change which is there in my life now and then. I have spoken about it with many people; they all say it will pass. They all lie because it haven’t passed till date.

Because of the constant pressure of society and your own responsibilities towards your Parents, there are so many change requests in your life. You go to school, you complete your graduation, then post-graduation and after that the ultimate goal of life, the job!!! In the middle of all this, you lose yourself.  At least I am lost and I have tried a hundred times to find myself but no luck. The more I try to find myself the more I get lost!!!

I have lost all the hopes of a better life ahead, but again there is little tiny winy Sunshine which is waiting there at the other side. And with this, I remember a line which I used to say with one of my lost friend… If life throws lemons to you, throw them back and ask for Edward Cullen!!! ;)

Thank you for reading my first post in case you have read it till last ;)

Bbiii & do take care of yourself till your next change request of LIFE!!!  :)