Touch of Love

Time just flies by. You don’t even realise that you were just a 7 year old kid who used to play in mud all the time, who used to colour their school books with all the possible sketch pens and crayons they find, for whom the walls of the house were the ultimate canvas and if you get lucky enough not to be beaten up by your mom for the same you will go ahead and paint the walls of the neighbours also. All you used to worry about was how to escape from studies and make some room for the outdoor games, yes OUTDOOR games, not the online ones! What all new games you can try, whose house you should target to break a glass window and then to come up with an absurd excuse that you did not do it! Also, I am not sure about the guys, but we as girls, were so particular about our dresses we should wear, matching sandals, matching accessories, our hair, how it should look like… mind it even a single strand which belongs to left side was not allowed to come at right side ;)… And then there is second stage of life where you are 15. To reach school on time before the final ring for the prayer was the epic timing, to finish your lunch box in the second period itself and then to hunt for other tiffin boxes was one kind of a treasure hunt, to copy all the notes from the board was the race of a life, to rush in the parking lot as soon as the last bell rings was an achievement, no matter you spend next 30 minutes chatting/ gossiping about all the possible topics under the sun. You somehow manage to finish your school with appropriate grades and then the actual race starts. You go to college!

Most of us go to college. I am assuming here that many of us have stayed in a hostel. No matter for a short period. In my case, I have stayed in hostel for 6 years and I still stay away from my home, so in total it’s been 8 years for me since I left my home for studies. You again somehow manage to score sincere grades in your college and enter in the overrated corporate world with a lot of expectations. All you try to do is to steal the thunder and grab all the attention of your peers and seniors just to prove that you are worth it!

One thing which was common in all of this was your F.R.I.E.N.D.S and F.A.M.I.L.Y!!

They are always there in all your ups and downs, no matter how badly you end up screwing everything. And there comes the Touch of Love! Now I am going to make some assumptions from my own personal life experiences and ask you few things. Remember when you fell from your bicycle for the very first time and got bruised badly??? Your Mom applied the ointment with all the love and care and then you immediately forgot about the pain and got ready for another ride, keeping safe in mind that your Mom is there to look after you if you fall again. Remember your first accident???  The way your Dad rushed to the hospital just to see you in bandages, it reassured you that you are not alone ever! Not to forget your Friends… remember your first break up??? They were the one who pulled you out from your hopeless world of loneliness. Remember your first drink??? Ahhh… no matter when and how you started, trust me these little angels (I would prefer devils ;)) are the ones who keeps pushing you in that zone for your own good! ;)

As far as I am concerned, I am very particular about my friends. My F.R.I.E.N.D.S are just not the people around me. It takes a lot to be called as my friend. I usually give a lot of time before investing mentally and emotionally into any relation. Hence, I have handful of friends whom I can rely upon BLINDLY. Trust me; I am blessed to have people like them in my life. Each one of them has their own importance and one kind of a story that how they became my friend. One thing common with all of them was, they somehow managed to cross the line of border and had the patience to bear all my tantrums!  ;)

Same goes for my family. Since I was the eldest among all the children in the family, I was the most pampered and the spoiled one. I usually got every other thing which I wished for. Be it my first school bag or my very own vehicle. People used to say that it would have been much better if I would have born as a boy, not as a GIRL! This got stuck in my mind big time. Later I decided not to ask anything from my Dad, say it ego or self-respect! I made a promise to myself that my next buy will be from my own money and I did struggle for it. If you have read my previous blogs, you will surely relate to what I am talking about. People usually get surprised when I tell them that it’s been 8 years since I am away from home. The first question they throw at me is, “How often do you visit your place?” I usually take a pause and reply them casually that, “I used to visit my place very often back in college, but, now the frequency is once in a year!!!J”

This pause which I take is to comprehend the fact in my very own mind that Dude what have you become! I used to be a homesick all the time in college and now, last I visited my place was back in December, 2013. To my surprise, I have efficaciously managed to accept the fact that I will see my folks only once in a year… I am sure there are so many people out there who are facing the same situation. This is one of the thoughts which give me strength to go through this. I had a rough year back in Kolkata, moving to Bangalore was my one of the best decision ever, which again helps me to sail through this. When I was there at home in December, I made sure I sleep with my Mom. One mere touch of her used to make me forget about all the pain and troubles I was facing at that time. And that touch is my friend, I am referring here as Touch of Love. Touch of your own people, a touch that assures you that whatever you are going through, your family and friends are there to support you. No matter how many people you meet on daily basis… No matter how much appreciation you receive at your workplace… Nothing in this whole world can replace that one mere touch!

Growing up… Being an adult??? I would say - Totally overrated!!!

Dreaming of conquering the world, buying your own stuff, wearing an expensive watch, having a wardrobe full of all other brand under the sun, walking on the sexiest heels ever, showing off your shades and on top of that no parents to watch you out… Sucks!

Growing up is nothing but becoming ‘Responsible’. Responsible for all the right and wrong decisions you make. It tells you that you better pay your bills on time else you will be fucked up. It tells you that you better pay attention before falling for someone because that someone is not at all planning to catch you. YOU, my friend are driver of your own bus!

No matter how rough your life is going on, no matter how confused you are about your decisions right now, this one touch is the source of all the positivity. It gives you strength to get up daily, and to go out and seize the day, the way you want it to be. It teaches you how to let things go. I know it hurts to let go. Speaking of which I found the following lines while surfing over the internet:

“Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something OR someone, the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of Criminal for having felt, for having wanted to be wanted. It Confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. DAMN, there’s nothing like that, IS THERE? I’ve been there and you have too.”

I guess it’s ok to commit mistakes, after all we all learn from our mistakes. My only concern here is, do not lose yourself in the process. Do not make yourself habitual of committing mistakes. Do not make yourself dependent on others for your own happiness. Do not stop feeling the pain of other people. Do not become so numb that you will not ever feel the touch of love!